New Beginnings

I wonder if it really is possible to start over. I feel different in so many ways. 2008 was a really bad year. Lets review, shall we?
Janurary: Hopes and dreams of going back to UCA as an RA and continuing to live my own life were shattered. Move to Cambodia with my mother.
Feburary: still in Cambodia
March-July: My life slowly melds into an endless blur of days with few note-worthy events. I went to the beach, taught spoiled kids how to speak English, taught siblings how to multiply and divide, had few friends and only the briefest reflection of a life.
July: Getting ready to head back to USA, find an amazing job, find out my dad almost had an affair, cry myself to sleep a few times.
August: Back in America dealing with Dad, reverse culture shock, new job, new school, new place to live, know absolutely no one. Become depressed.
September: Get a boyfriend. Other than that happy note, remain depressed ad unable to figure out why i'm not happy. Frustrated, confused, etc.
October-December: See above.

Something has snapped for me in Janurary. I think it's a combination of things. Getting used to the new school, having some pretty good friends, best GPA of my college career (3.4), finally talking to my dad about the things I was upset about. I caught myself being outgoing yesterday and was shocked. It came naturally, I didn't even have to think about it, and I haven't been that way in a long time. Maybe this is me getting back to the person I like being. Maybe. Either way I know that there are things I still have to work on. I've made some mistakes, and for the first time in months it actually matters. Before, nothing I tried made me happier, so it didn't matter, and now that I'm suddenly finding ways to be happy again I don't want anything in the world to spoil it.
In perhaps not entirely unrelated news, I'm learning to think about other people more than myself. I've been so worried about me for so long that I couldn't see much else. And enough is enough of that.

So here's to 2009. Dear God please let it be a good year.

~C

Every mountain has two valleys.