Learning to breathe

learning to crawl, learning that You and You alone can break my fall. I'm living again, awake and alive. I'm learning to breathe in these abundant skies.

That pretty much sums up my life at the moment. I'm learning lots. My mom and I got into a fight this afternoon over whether or not I could put my dirty clothes in the hamper now or leave them in my room till tomorrow. I wanted them out of my room. Mature eh? We fight over the most petty things recently. I think I spent most of my life afraid of her and her temper, and now that I'm not afraid anymore I just make her more and more angry, but something in me says I have to fight back or I'm going to be walked all over. So after this fight, I was talking to Abba. Or rather, Abba was talking to me. I wanted to read a book and He wouldn't let me. He kept saying "Don't fight her Callie, don't do it." So finally we talked about it for a while. Abba showed me this letter where this guy had written to people who needed help. It said, "live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants...show proper respect to everyone...Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only those who are good and considerate, but also those who are harsh. [This part got me. It's no fun to submit to someone you don't really like.] For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering...but how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable...To this you were called."
Crazy as it sounds, I think this may be part of the reason why I'm here, or at least a good thing that can come of it. To quote someone else really smart, "Surrender don't come naturally to me, I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want than take what you give that I need."
And in the end, I realized that not fighting isn't surrender. It's not giving up on what I believe or admitting that she's right or taking the easy way out. Trust me, keeping my smart mouth shut is far from easy. And it's not letting her run me over either. It's a choice. A conscious choice, that I make, to submit because Abba asked me to. And I know he loves me, so how can this be a bad thing? I feel like something changed in me today. I feel like I grew up a little bit. And I figure that if I have to endure living here, some good may as well come of it.

The wedding was...interesting. More on that later. And hopefully pictures.

Love and peace or else.

Cleo