Please speak slowly, my heart is learning.

So I'm learning a lot of things.

I was talking to Abba last night about how I often don't feel like I have anything to give. I am not the thinnest person here, to say the least, and every time I walk out of my house a thousand voices aussalt me and berate me for not being thinner. Recently I've felt like I have to try so hard to be a presentable person. My attitude has been all wrong. Now, I know in my head that beauty comes from within and spreads to the rest of you, but I keep going on this idea that if I could just get the outside to be better, the inside would fix itsself. Now I know this is rediculous. I know a tall, blonde girl with a model-perfect body and she is the most unhappy person I know, but somehow I believed the lie. It's hard to live every day having faith in the fact that you have a source within you that gives, even when you are empty. I feel as if every ounce of patience and kindness I have is completely gone at the end of the day, and yet there are still 5 little people who need more from me. It's then that Abba helps me the most, often in ways that I don't even recognise. As it says in Captivating "This is the part where we work out our salvation." You don't get to wait until all your wounds are healed to help other people. Because you have the Spirit, you can help people now, because it's not you doing the work. And honestly, that's a huge relief.

Still, I'll be glad when my mom gets back tomorrow. Hopefully, she'll bring my sanity with her.

Love and peace or else,
Cleo